Christmas and its hype

WHY I AM NOT FEELING THE CHRISTMAS HYPE

 I am not feeling hyped up for Christmas. I probably haven't felt the Christmas hype for a few years now, and also even in some years when my situation was good, I still had some holiday depression. And I will explain a few things about why the Christmas hype is just that, hype for a lot of people. Or at least try to organize my own thoughts and feelings about it. 

I used to love Christmas. I still love giving and getting presents. I  still love shopping for presents for family and friends. But I can do that any time of year, and not just on Christmas. 

Even when things were good, and I was not inn the bad financial situation I am in today, some years Christmas was a bit difficult for me. I always disliked the big family gatherings/dinners/lunches. Don't get me wrong, my own family are all good people, it's just that I am not the type of person who wants to be around people all the time. I prefer to spend time alone and recharge. One hour of family gathering is more than enough to make me want to crawl in a hole with a book and some junk food for a week. 

Also, my family and me are from two totally different planets. I hate discussing politics. I hate discussing economics. I hate greek music, and when I hear the bad music that is called "skyladiko", I leave the premises immediately. I can''t stand it for a second, it gives me a headache and makes me want to puke. The same with traditional greek music. It's awful, and it's just noise. 

I want to discussing science fiction. I want to discuss books. I want to discuss science. I want to discuss a good movie, like Gravity for example. And in all the family gatherings, I am really bored. Politics, economics. Religion. And I am an atheist, and I have to tackle the subject really slowly or I'll cause a scene. And, at some point, I was studying maths and physics at the Open University in the UK, because I love maths and physics. And someone asked me: "But is it relevant to your job? Will it give you any money?" Which was not the point. I did not go to study maths and physics for money. I did it because I love it, and I stopped because I cannot afford it at the moment, but will continue when my economic situation improves. 

 And of course, I have few but good and select friends. And most of them, spend the holidays with their family, so I rarely could go out on Christmas or New Year's Eve. And on top of that, in those days, everything is packed, traffic is awful, and to get from point A to point B, when normally it takes 10 minutes, you could get stuck in traffic for an hour. So, most of Christmas and New Year's Eves are spent like this: wait for the change at midnight, eat, spent 15-30 minutes, then back to my place. 

And to add: the awful Christmas and New Year's shows, everyone wants to watch. I absolutely hate those. Awful greek music, awful shows, TV stations think they are doing something special when they are actually producing total and utter trash. And then there was this year on New Year's Eve when I was forced to watch the last "Big Brother" show, where the winner was announced. I was saying, please change the channel or close the TV, this is not something I like at all. It was the only time I ever watched a reality show of that type, and NEVER ever want to watch something like that again. 

And also there were the years where I had no boyfriend, and was feeling lonely. Noone to talk to really, and would even cry when I was alone, as I was feeling depressed. Noone who would at least try and understand, and want to do the same things as me. And I know lots of people who, even not admitting it, they would do the same. 

And of course, the last years are even worse. In 2005 I lost my father to cancer. In 2007 I lost my little sister to a car accident. And Christmas time is when I am feeling those losses even more than usual.

And today? I am not feeling the Christmas hype. I am not feeling the Christmas hype. I am in a bad economic situation, can't afford to buy even a small present for my nieces and nephew, or anyone really.

I will be forced yet again, to stay home, and pass those days with my mom, who will watch one of the awful TV shows at Christmas and New Year's Eve. If I had some money, I would go traveling, and spend Christmas and New Year's somewhere else, but not here.

I don't know if people reading this will find themselves agreeing or disagreeing. I probably have forgotten a lot of stuff, or have not analyzed some things properly. Right now, I want this whole Christmas thing to be over.

Tattoo: my first tattoo

I finally decided to get a tattoo. I had something in my mind, and looking online, I found a few designs I liked, and finally I decided upon one. My advice to anyone who wants to have a tattoo is to look thoroughly, to be certain that they want that specific tattoo. Do not rush into the decision. As for me, I am really excited about the result with my tattoo.


Choose a good tattoo artist. It seems like I chose a great one, and so the result is much better than I ever expected.

The two photos are of my new tattoo.

Death and the Maiden

Today I learned that the father of a good friend of mine died of a heart attack. I am reminded of what I went through a few years ago, and that, no matter what, the death of a loved one leaves behind a huge black hole. A black hole that can never be filled, no matter what.

In 2204 I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's. In 2005 my father died of cancer. In 2006 I lost my grandmother of natural causes, she was around 100 years of age. In 2007 my little sister died in a car crash.

The pain from these deaths, and especially my little sister's who would be 31 today, can never go away. It mellows with time, it might not be as sharp and as strong as in the first few months, but it still is there. There have been times when I saw someone on the street that looks like my sister or my father; but then as they come closer, reality hits me again. It's not them. It's someone else.

When my friend called, I did not know what to tell him. I just told him that I am sorry, I offered my condolences. I was devastated. I called him a bit later again, to tell him that if he needs anything, even just to talk, to call me. I understand what he is going through, I went through the same pain and the same anguish myself.

I know that I am not going to see my loved ones ever again. They are dead. They are ashes to ashes and dust to dust. I don't believe in afterlife or anything similar.

One of the worst things that someone told me when my little sister died was that god wanted her as an angel and took her. It was on the phone, and really I wanted to smash the head of that idiot. That is supposed to be comforting? On the contrary, it made me angry. There is no god, there are no angels, there is no afterlife. All we have is this one fucking life and we better live it to the fullest.

I am the Maiden. And Death is around us all the time.

Of reading and books.

I love books. I love to read. I love to study. I feel naked without a book in my bag. Sometimes, I may carry a magazine I am interested in, or my e-book reader; waiting to get the iPad, so I can carry a lot of books on pdf, or on the Kindle application for the iPad.

When I read, I get transported into new worlds, I get emotionally attached to the characters of the books, especially if they are good and interesting characters. When I read, I concentrate so much in the book and what I am reading, that I get startled even by the bell or the ringing of my phone.

Each book has its own life and story; from the writer's perspective to the stories of the characters, to our own perspective of the book, each book teaches something. Even the books we deem as bad or unreadable, they teach us something, even if it is to avoid this genre or this writer.

Sometimes I cannot concentrate enough to read. Sometimes, I am not in the mood for reading. But even in those times, I need to have at least a book close to me. Because my mood or concentration may change at any moment, and when it does, I want to have my reading material handy.


I have an e-book reader and I am also getting an iPad 2, in order to be able to read some downloaded pdfs, or other material, without resorting to printing. Or because the downloadable versions are much cheaper than the paper versions. However, the feel and smell of an actual paper book is unique. I love that smell, I love the feel of the paper on my hands, turning the pages...

As someone I value says, Giannis Servetas of Radio Arvyla fame, books are your best friend. They can be in your bookcases for a long time, and you will never hear a peep from them. The books will wait patiently for you to open and read them, they will be there and never leave your side. Unless of course, you have friends that are bookworms like you... 

Of quotes and the Bible

In another post for this blog, namely the one on Small Gods, a member of blogger and probably fundamentalist Christian, has quoted a verse from scripture as a comment. You can quote all the scripture you want at me. I am not going to change my mind because of a book of myths!

Believers, and most notably fundamentalists, use circular logic in using the Bible as evidence. They argue that the Bible is the inerrant word of god. But when asked how they know, they answer, that it is written in the Bible! Where is the external confirmation that the Bible is the word of god? Where is the evidence that the Bible is the word of god?

If I am going to change my mind about the existence of any god(s) then it should be because of evidence. And not just any kind of evidence. Scientific evidence. The evidence on which computers and nanotechnology are built upon.

Saying that you have personal experiences of god(s), does not impress me. There are a lot of people out there who have varying degrees of personal experiences of the paranormal sort. Some see ghosts, some hear voices in their heads, etc. etc. And everyone who happens to have the personal experiences with god(s) usually communes with the kind of god s/he believes in. Never a Muslim has had a personal experience of Jesus or a Christian a personal experience of Buddha or anything similar. Christians commune with Jesus, the Virgin Mary or the Holy Spirit or some saint or other, but always of the same religion. And the same is true for every religion there is. So, no, personal experiences are not even remotely convincing evidence.

Another argument is with miracles. What miracles? I have not seen any miracle today. Some lightshows, where people see mysterious lights around a church or a holy place, and pareidolia, where people see the face of Jesus or the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus all over from Kit-Kats to toasts... No, that is not evidence either. Lightshows are usually explained by science. As for pareidolia, I am certain that I can see the face of David Bowie and Darth Vader too... Just our brains wired to see patterns. Our brains are wired to recognize patterns, and many times we see patterns even where they do not exist, or recognize some familiar things all over. Like in the clouds. how many times have we seen cloud formations that are similar to a familiar shape? That is also pareidolia, but we do not worship the clouds. So, no neither the lightshows or pareidolia cut it for me.

There are miracles of the medical kind. Sick people getting healthy and similar. And most of the times, because the doctors and nurses did everything they could for those people. Some ailments were due to psychological factors, and people believed they were cured when they in fact were not ill. Just their brains playing tricks on them. Some other "miracles" are not documented; people just say that this person or that got well because of the prayers, blah blah. But when asked for the evidence, mainly the medical records of these patients, they are non-existent or most of it is missing. And let's not forget that the human body is not as fragile as some people want us to think. We have an immune system and that system can be activated to fight off a number of diseases, even cancer. Yes, Virginia, there are people whose immune system fought cancer successfully. So, no miracles do not exist. There is no evidence of such.

Some use the fine-tuning argument. Really? The universe is fine-tuned for life? Oh, well then, we should be able to find conditions suitable for life everywhere! But wait, we know of exactly one planet with life: Earth. And then there are millions of things that are trying to kill us! From bacteria, wild animals to radiation from outer space, and more. So, where is the fine-tuning again?

Some others will use the morality canard. That we cannot be moral without a god of sorts. Oh please! Do you really need the fear of punishment and eternal torment to be human? To follow the humanistic principles? Do you need an oppressor and sky daddy, a tyrant, to tell you that you should not kill? Can't you think for yourself? And as for other moral issues, a lot of religions make me sick. Their stance on abortion, on homosexuality, on womens' issues is totally inhuman, racist and hateful on their part.

I am pro-abortion. The decision, the final decision, lies with the woman. What would a woman do with a baby she does neither want nor can take care of? There are many issues to consider, and I am certain that most women do not take this decision as lightly as some people may think. As a woman myself, I am glad that in my country, I have the option of doing an abortion. Of doing it with a proper doctor and not some quack out for a quick buck. That I can do it in a hospital where any complication can be treated properly. After all, it is my body and my choice in the end.

As for homosexuality: I do not care what anyone does in their private lives, as long as it is between consenting adults. Homosexual couples have, in my opinion, the same rights and obligations as heterosexual couples. They should get the same benefits, they should be able to adopt, they should be able to live their lives free from any prejudice. And most prejudice and racism against homosexuals comes from religion.

I will not go into the misogyny of most religions. Just read the Bible and the Koran, and there is not much else one can say or do. It is as if the people that wrote these books hated women.

So, no, I do not need a god to be moral. I do not need to be afraid of hell and punishment, to be moral. I do not need to be saved from sin. I don't believe in sin. Sex is not a sin. Neither eating meat on Friday is a sin. And the whole sin edifice collapses when we see that the original sin is nothing but a myth.

I adhere to the humanistic principles. Why? Because I am human, I grew around humans, and was educated by good people. I am not a sinner; I do not believe in sin. I am human. I made and still make mistakes; but I try to learn from them. And that is part of being human; that is part of life. I am not afraid of making mistakes; but I am afraid of not living my life, of being oppressed to worship some non-existent mythological being. I am afraid of not being able to express myself because of insane religious laws and practices.

I will not go into the whole creationism vs. science debate here, because, if I start on that there will be no end in sight for this post. Another time, I'll probably write about the creationist canards, especially when it comes to astronomy and physics which are more my passion. But let's just say, that creationism is full of holes, and the more someone tries to fill the holes, the more laughter ensues, with the stupidity and idiocy of creationists.

I am proud to be an atheist. I am proud of being able to think for myself, of not being afraid of a big tyrant in the sky. I am proud of using my brain constructively, of being able to really think critically.

Religion and Free Expression II

A few days ago I had written the first part of this post. But there are new developments which happened just today, and I am really angry and sad at the same time. But let me first explain what happened.

About 3 months ago, my niece's teacher gave them various small projects to do. My niece's project was about the myths of Italy. Along with my sister, they sat down, and found three beautiful myths from Italy. Today was the day that my niece would present the project. The school owner, though, does not want my niece to present her project, on religious grounds yet again, because, in the myths, there were witches, ghosts and the devil! She now wants to look and read through the projects so she can "religiously" approve them!

I really don:t know what to say about this person, who is trying to make children into dogmatic soldiers for Jeebus, who is trying to impose her own dogmatism into children, who is forbidding every expression of imagination and inventiveness...

I do not care what that fundie believes. She can believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster for all I care! But she has no right to impose her own religious views, her own ideology, her own fantasies to anyone, not to my niece, let alone any other child!

She has no right to hurt not just my niece but any child in this way, she has no right to terrorize children in this way, she has no right to treat children in this manner, as if they are non-existent, as if they are nothing. And all the above because of religion! Children have their own characters, their own personalities, and they must be respected.

And yet again, my niece does not fully comprehend why. How can anyone explain to a 9-year old girl about people having attitudes like the fundies, and are trying to impose those on others without any respect for the individual? How can anyone explain to her what dogmatism and fundamentalism are? And what they do to people? How can anyone explain to her that this person is living in a fantasy world, one very much removed from reality?

I never understood, and still do not understand, why the Abrahamic religions need to impose their views, their ways to others. Why you are considered a sinner or whatever if you use your own logic, your empathy, your sensibility. your critical thinking skills, and find your own way in this world. I don:t want your religious views or your ideology; I don:t want to be preached at; I do not want you to judge me before you get to know me in person; I am not a soldier for Jeebus or Allah or whatever deity you believe in, and don:t want to be. I want to be free to choose and decide for myself; I want to be free to think for myself!

More poetry...

The following articles will be some of my own poetry written a long time ago. Admittedly they are not very good, but I don't want to lose those poems, so I am putting them here.

Re-reading them, I see how bad, how corny some of these are... I think that the only one that I truly like, is the one that I wrote after reading the full saga of Elric of Melnibone by Michael Moorcock. Elric is one of his best characters, and I loved every one of those stories.

God? No thank you.

I am an atheist, and I am OUT. I am a moderator in two atheist forums, one is the Richard Dawkins Forum, and the other is a greek atheist forum, atheia.gr, and in both I am known by the name Darkchilde.

There are some questions that come up all the time, and I thought of starting to collect them and answer them in my blog.

The first question I would like to address is: Why are you an Atheist?

Well, the first and main reason is that there is no scientific evidence for any god(s).

I rejected christianity and other forms of religion since I was a little girl. I remember being around 9-10 years old, and thinking how stupid the stories of Adam and Eve, and Noah's flood were. I was lucky in the fact that neither my mother nor father were very religious, and the only one trying to force religion down my throat was my grandmother.

I have been baptized an orthodox christian, which is the main religion in Greece, where I was born, raised and currently reside. Orthodox christianity is a bit different in some practices than other christian branches. First of all, the way the hymns are sung to my ears sounds more like noise than music. They are very loosely based to Byzantine Music, but to a child they mostly sound awful. And they did sound awful to my little ears as a child.

Not to mention that church is boring! You have to sit tight and listen to all that awful music, and to bible passages I did not understand! The Bible read in the orthodox churches, is in an old Greek language, a mixture between Ancient Greek and Modern Greek, which is not understood by the majority of the population. In fact, a translation of the Bible in Modern Greek did not exist for a very long time, having been translated and published in Modern Greek only in 1997!

Then there was the fact that my grandmother wanted to take me to church at every opportunity when I wanted to do something else, especially the 4-5 weeks before Easter. Each Friday in those weeks preceding Easter, there is a church service. Trouble is that, a certain year when I was a child still, every Friday on TV there was "Space 1999". And one of my favorite branch of literature/TV/Movies is Science Fiction and Fantasy, and it has been this way since I was a child. So, there comes this Friday a few weeks before Easter, and my grandmother wanted to take me to church for the service. I wanted to stay home, and watch "Space 1999". Of course, my grandmother being the elder and "more sensible" she won that round. However, I won the war! Because, I was constantly whining at church and for some time after, that I lost that episode, and how was I going to watch that [this was at a time before there were even VCRs!], and similar things. That episode I finally watched it at a much later date, on a VCR. Of course, now I have it on DVD!

And then, there was my love of science. And I am still in love with science. My influences when I was growing up included Isaac Asimov, and not just for his science fiction novels, but also for his popular science books, and Carl Sagan, with his series Cosmos. Watching Cosmos made me want to become an astronomer. Reading Asimov, made me want to study technology, specifically computers, and AI.

Then there was the question of gender inequality in religions. And since I am of the female gender, I could not understand why I was thought to be inferior in everything to males. And I was really angry when they told me that my goal in life should be to just find a man and get married and have babies! Just become something little better than a slave! I hated and resented that. And all that just because my reproductive organs are to be found inside my body...

The main attraction of the whole religion show in my childhood though was Sunday school. Well, that was still when my grandmother used to take me to church on Sunday, and then I would stay for the god lessons. I hated going to church on Sundays, even more. At the time, I had school Monday to Saturday, so Sunday was the only day I could sleep a little more and not have to wake up early.

But back to Sunday school. I never liked it. Why? because I never got a straight answer, and of course, the Bible teachers there did not like me too much either. So, after a few Sundays, it was commonly decided that Sunday school was not the best choice for me. That was before the Easter "Space 1999" trouble though.

And when I got to puberty? That was what was even worse. Because that's when the misogyny from religions strike. It wasn't because of sex, my parents explained to me all about sex, and what happens. It was because of my intellect as opposed to other people's. I have logic and critical thinking skills and applied them. Which meant that I outright rejected the orthodox church and christianity, to the dismay of my grandmother especially. I still though thought at the time, that we should respect religion, and still believed at a universal force behind everything.

I never was religious from that time on, and if I happened at church, it was because of a social event. I never gave it a thought about religion, as it never played a role in my life, other than my fights with my grandmother about it.

Another big influence on me, and never realized how big it was until recently, was my science professor in high school. Her name was Mrs. Casotti. Most students disliked her probably because she was quite strict. But I do now understand that she was also fair. She taught us real actual science, including evolutionary theory. I remember we had a whole session on Lucy, the Australopithecus Afarensis skeleton found in 1974.

I never remembered it until recently, that Mrs. Casotti had said that she was an atheist. And that was back in the second half of the 1980's.

How then did I realize that I was an atheist? In a period of 4 years, I lost 4 of my dearest people. I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's; my grandmother to natural causes; my father to cancer, and the blow of blows for me, my then 26 (now would be 29) years old little sister.

At the time I was angry at everything and everyone; I thought that this was some cosmic joke against me. Then in my anger, I said that I don't believe in god or any universal force or whatever you want to call it. Even though, those were words of an angry spirit, of a person in a lot of pain, they were essentially true. And that, because in essence, I had never actually believed in any god(s) or any universal force(s)! But before I realized this, I still had to let go of the anger I felt.

That was a very slow process, that came about with the help and support of my family and friends. Although most of my family was devastated from such losses, we still held through. A couple of months later, I was on my way to healing and had started to let go of the anger. The pain mellows with time, but there is always a hole and a scar left from such huge losses.

About January 2008, I received an order from Amazon, which included the book "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. I had heard of Prof. Dawkins as an eminent biologist, and was curious about the book.

The book did not tell me anything new; I had argued a lot of the same arguments with my grandmother and other religious people. What it did though, was to put my thoughts and my ideas into a logical order, to make me say that "the god hypothesis does not compute" and to make me realize, that all this time I was really an atheist. I just did not call myself that and I was clinging to a notion of god, of higher power that made sense to me and me alone! I also realized that I had to let go of my last irrational taboos, that I held to them for no other reason than to please others and not myself.

So, I left behind any notion of fasting: I was doing it purely for traditional purposes, and not for myself. I wasn't eating meat for a week, only to please some irrational old tradition, and was going hungry, and resorting to eating all sorts of crap food just to make up for the growling of my stomach! Since I stopped doing it, I am much happier with myself.

Then, it was the time for blasphemy: but I had blasphemed a number of times, when I had criticized religion for the irrationality of the stories in the Bible, for the misogyny, and for many other things. What was then different about religious figures in comparison let's say to the Star Wars characters? [Okay, I admit it, DARTH VADER IS GOD!] Religious figures feature in a book and are the protagonists of a book. And I held them in respect because ... of convention! So, now I am finally free to complete blaspheme! And yes, Sweet Fucking Zombie Jesus!

Thus I realized, that I had been an atheist since I was a teenager, since I had rejected religion, any religion, and I always followed the evidence...