Writing like Deepak Chopra and other woo merchants.

There is a template that is going around the net these past few days, about how to write like Deepak Chopra's woo, and similar. So I said to myself, that I should try and write some woo like that. I will use the given template, and let's see what I can whip up in a few minutes (and how hilarious it will be):

The mind is like an electron. In both cases when the interference pattern occurs, the physical reality of the wave-particle duality becomes apparent. It is only due to the field that surrounds us all that we can participate in the macroscopic world. From this we know that the quantum reality of the divine exists. Amazingly, lensing is the perfect analog to this phenomenon. This deep connection is the result of active ingredients It is thrilling that there is a fundamental link between us and the universal quantum mind and that consciousness is always found in the quantum decoherence.

How did I do? Please let me know, either with a comment here, or with a tweet @ladyjedi

I must say that this was more difficult than I expected. Maybe because I am studying physics and had to think a bit about what could really fit. Maybe I should not have thought so much, and just put in whatever came to mind?

The red words are the ones that I selected for my quantum woo. The rest is a template given in this blog post:

Deepak Chopra Mad Libs

Star Wars or Sex Wars?

We have items for both the ladies and the gentlemen! We start with the "Darth Invader" for the ladies!

This item is for the gentlemen. Need I say more?

Lords and Ladies - Terry Pratchett

I have stopped counting which book of the Discworld I am reading. There are over 30 books, if I am not mistaken, and I do have most of them. And those I do not have I will buy. Reading Discworld novels is a totally new experience. You never read it in trains, planes and automobiles of any kind, because people will think you are crazy since you will end up laughing and doing all sorts of weird gestures.

Lords and Ladies is no exception to the rule. This novel features our little coven, Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Margrat. The three witches have come back to Lancre, and Margrat Garlick is going to marry King Verence II and become Queen. Of course, things are not so simple, as the Elves are coming back. And no, these are not the elves of fantasy novels, these are the elves of Discworld! They want everything for themselves, and do not care who they hurt. But they have not counted on our three witches...As the back of the book says, there is also an assortment of wizards, monkeys apes, dwarfs and other creatures.

This is Pratchett's take on A Midsummer Night's Dream. But there is more in this book; it is not just a humorous take on a classic. They are beautiful and graceful, or so they appear; but they are also egotistical, cruel and sadistic. They are the two sides of the same coin. On one side what we want and on the other side what we should avoid being. For what is beauty and grace without a soul? They also show that people will fall for money, power or for their inner desires; especially when those desires are not being released in some way, if there are things that are stopping us from pursuing our true dreams.

We make choices, and sometimes hard choices. Even if we regret those choices, even if we look back and see that we made mistakes, we should not linger in the past. We should move forward and continue living. This is what Granny Weatherwax has done; whatever her choice was in the past, she has stuck with it, and has continued to live. And Nanny Ogg? Nanny Ogg is the one who is living her life as best as she can. Never misses an opportunity, and neither should we. Margrat shows us that there is strength in everyone, and that everyone can find the strength to stand up and fight for what we believe.

Pratchett's books look innocent enough, but there is much more to discover reading them. The Discworld is not just a humorous take on our world, it is also a way for Pratchett to show us his own view of our world, and most of the times, it is a view that I agree with.

Lesbian Vampire Killers

If you thought that this was porn, and specifically lesbian porn, you couldn't be further away from the truth. What is this movie about then?

It is supposed to be a comedy, a satire of Vampire shows and movies. Nice try but no go. Not bad, but I did not laugh at any part. maybe sneered or smiled a bit.

The movie has it all: corny dialogue, the chosen one, a priest, a virgin... and lots of women scantily dressed and pretending to be lesbian vampires!

However, there is something lacking. The dialogue was there, the setting was really good. I cannot blame the director, I thought he did a good job. Paul McGann is excellent as the Vicar, and I thought that he needed someone else to act alongside.

Neither James Corden [Fletch] nor Matthew Home [Jimmy] really were up to the task. There was something missing from their acting, and at times it was like they were bored with the whole movie.

The basic story itself is quite good and has a lot of room for comedic situations, which I felt were not delivered. Or as I said poor acting made some of the jokes and in-jokes invisible to the audience.

My take on it is: a lot of undelivered potential. The main actors were a very bad choice for this movie. Watchable? Yes, with friends, appropriate commentary, some alcoholic beverage of your choice, food [preferably take out]. You can laugh at the expense of this movie, but not with this movie.

Zlad - Supersonik Elektronic

This is a really funny and wacky music video I have found.

And the lyrics to the song are:

Hey baby wake up from your a sleep
We have arrived onto the future
And the whole world is become....

Elektronik, Supersonik,
Supersonik, Elektronik,

Hey baby ride with me away,
We doesn't have much time,
My blue jeans is tight,
So onto my love rocket, climb,
Inside tank of fuel is not fuel, but love,
Above us, there is nothing above,
but the stars, above

All systems gone!
Prepare for downcount!

5....4....3....1! Off blast!


Fly away, my space rocket,
You no need put money in my pocket
The door is closed I just lock it,
(Ha) I put my (Ha) port plug in your socket (Ha Ha Ha)

The sonic sky is bright like fire
You and me gets higher and higher
Cut communication wire
Only thing can stop us is flat tire

Ha, Ha, Ha Ha Ha Ha

Hey love crusaider
I want to be your space invader
For you I will decend the deepest moon crater
I is more stronger than Darth Vapour
Obey me I is your new dictator
For you is Venus, I am Mars
With you I is more richer than all the tzars
Make a wishes on a shooting stars
Then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars!

Ladies and Gentlemen
Fasten your beltseats
We has commenced our decent
I trust you enjoy this flight
As much as you enjoy this accent

Now back on Earth its time for downsplash
Into sea of eternal glory my spaceship crash
People have arrived for cheer me from near and far
And as I float I open door and shout
"I am worlds biggest, washed-up superstar!"

(Supersonik, Elektronik)

As for sure as the sun rises in the west
Of all the seas and all the boats I am the bestest
come, let me put ring of Jupiter on your finger
Then like a smell around you I will forever linger
Ok, is time for end, no more will I sang
Let me take you back in time,
I want for you to experience big bang

Long live space race
Long live, Molvania

About Molvania: http://www.molvania.com/index.html

Japanese Sign

The following photograph was taken in Japan, at a wharf on the Lake Ashi, on the feet of Mount Fuji. I was with my tourist group, and we were waiting to take the boat for a small cruise on the Lake. The date the photograph was taken is August 15, 2006.

Judging chili...

The following story I found and copied from the forum of The Knights who say Ni!
I found it quite funny and publishing it here, on my new blog.

The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!


Chili # 2 Austin 's Afterburner Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...


Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety....

Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili....

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild,nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when
Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?