Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Christmas and its hype


 I am not feeling hyped up for Christmas. I probably haven't felt the Christmas hype for a few years now, and also even in some years when my situation was good, I still had some holiday depression. And I will explain a few things about why the Christmas hype is just that, hype for a lot of people. Or at least try to organize my own thoughts and feelings about it. 

I used to love Christmas. I still love giving and getting presents. I  still love shopping for presents for family and friends. But I can do that any time of year, and not just on Christmas. 

Even when things were good, and I was not inn the bad financial situation I am in today, some years Christmas was a bit difficult for me. I always disliked the big family gatherings/dinners/lunches. Don't get me wrong, my own family are all good people, it's just that I am not the type of person who wants to be around people all the time. I prefer to spend time alone and recharge. One hour of family gathering is more than enough to make me want to crawl in a hole with a book and some junk food for a week. 

Also, my family and me are from two totally different planets. I hate discussing politics. I hate discussing economics. I hate greek music, and when I hear the bad music that is called "skyladiko", I leave the premises immediately. I can''t stand it for a second, it gives me a headache and makes me want to puke. The same with traditional greek music. It's awful, and it's just noise. 

I want to discussing science fiction. I want to discuss books. I want to discuss science. I want to discuss a good movie, like Gravity for example. And in all the family gatherings, I am really bored. Politics, economics. Religion. And I am an atheist, and I have to tackle the subject really slowly or I'll cause a scene. And, at some point, I was studying maths and physics at the Open University in the UK, because I love maths and physics. And someone asked me: "But is it relevant to your job? Will it give you any money?" Which was not the point. I did not go to study maths and physics for money. I did it because I love it, and I stopped because I cannot afford it at the moment, but will continue when my economic situation improves. 

 And of course, I have few but good and select friends. And most of them, spend the holidays with their family, so I rarely could go out on Christmas or New Year's Eve. And on top of that, in those days, everything is packed, traffic is awful, and to get from point A to point B, when normally it takes 10 minutes, you could get stuck in traffic for an hour. So, most of Christmas and New Year's Eves are spent like this: wait for the change at midnight, eat, spent 15-30 minutes, then back to my place. 

And to add: the awful Christmas and New Year's shows, everyone wants to watch. I absolutely hate those. Awful greek music, awful shows, TV stations think they are doing something special when they are actually producing total and utter trash. And then there was this year on New Year's Eve when I was forced to watch the last "Big Brother" show, where the winner was announced. I was saying, please change the channel or close the TV, this is not something I like at all. It was the only time I ever watched a reality show of that type, and NEVER ever want to watch something like that again. 

And also there were the years where I had no boyfriend, and was feeling lonely. Noone to talk to really, and would even cry when I was alone, as I was feeling depressed. Noone who would at least try and understand, and want to do the same things as me. And I know lots of people who, even not admitting it, they would do the same. 

And of course, the last years are even worse. In 2005 I lost my father to cancer. In 2007 I lost my little sister to a car accident. And Christmas time is when I am feeling those losses even more than usual.

And today? I am not feeling the Christmas hype. I am not feeling the Christmas hype. I am in a bad economic situation, can't afford to buy even a small present for my nieces and nephew, or anyone really.

I will be forced yet again, to stay home, and pass those days with my mom, who will watch one of the awful TV shows at Christmas and New Year's Eve. If I had some money, I would go traveling, and spend Christmas and New Year's somewhere else, but not here.

I don't know if people reading this will find themselves agreeing or disagreeing. I probably have forgotten a lot of stuff, or have not analyzed some things properly. Right now, I want this whole Christmas thing to be over.